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laughingdog

The Uncrunchables!

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the time for lemon blancmange and cheesecake.  Who knew what would happen next. Some thought that it would be cheese dip, others felt kippers on toast. No one was expecting the downpour. 

No one expected that the country’s Milo warehouses would be destroyed in the ensuing flood. People suffered withdrawal from chocolate, and this is how the massive crime wave started. Speak easies were the talk of the town with hot chocolate flowing from every tap. Gangs of Chocolate Kings were created, and soon the cost of a mug of chocolate skyrocketed. The police were helpless. Roving bands of weight watchers looted and pillaged delis and grocery stores for the few candy bars that were left after panic buying left whole neighbourhoods chocolate free. 

Some were lucky enough to have saved a few Mars bars and buttons of candy for bribes, but this soon ran out. Don Caramelo and Fredo Hershes ran the crime scene. It was when they brought in the tax on Kinder Surprise that professional help was needed.  They needed help, and they needed the best. That’s when they called in Elliot Nestle. 

He arrived with his large gun and a suitcase full of chocolate bullets. Diabetics were seen running for their life and cowering in the corners of dark alleys. Chocolate Investigation Association (CIA) sent people to question everyone. They took swabs of every mouth in the area. Laboratory tests at the Federal Bureau of Indigestion (FBI) showed nothing. They were at an impasse.  They were stuck too. 

The answer is what they were stuck to. The footpaths were becoming increasingly sticky. They decided to follow a trails of Fantail wrappers. These led to an underground laboratory. They knew they had come to the sauce of the problem. The smell of Coco and Sugar was thick in the halls as the FBI detectives burst into the underground factory. 

This sweatshop was full of illegal Belgian immigrants. They had brought with them secrets that were being exploited by none other than Caramelo and his army of chocolate soldiers. Bullets flew and buttons fell as hundreds and thousands died. Hershes fled the scene and escaped with a small fortune in soft centers. However this soon oozed through his fingers. Caramelo nearly escaped with some snickers but the smile was wiped from his face by Nestle, wielding a box of Roses and a Killer Boa. 

As Caramelo left the scene securely in the hands of local law enforcement officers he knocked over a tray of Violet Crumbles. Nestle was said to note, “It’s the way it shatters that matters.” 

Author Unknown

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